Cancer — Friday 15 May 2026

Your cat knows. Your cat has always known. It watched you tap through four different shopping apps this morning with the focused calm of a witness preparing testimony. *Jupiter* is sitting fat and pleased in your sign right now, which does not help, because Jupiter's entire personality is "more." More comfort, more acquisition, more convincing yourself that the cashmere throw is an *investment* in your wellbeing. The *Sun* and *Mercury* are fused together in Taurus — practical, material, sensory Taurus — which means your brain and your mouth are both reading from the same script, and that script is currently titled *I Deserve This*. The *Moon* is barrelling through Aries, which is edgy and impulsive and has absolutely no interest in checking the joint account balance before clicking confirm order. You'll feel a flicker of guilt around mid-afternoon and resolve it by buying something small and practical. This is called escalation. You won't mention any of it to anyone. Not because you're ashamed. Because it's simply not relevant information. **T-shirt:** *It's not retail therapy if I was already fine.*