About Bad Astrologer

Every astrology site tells you what you want to hear. "Venus is aligning with your house of love!" "Mercury retrograde is a time for growth!" "You and your Scorpio partner are soulmates destined for eternal bliss!"

We think that's rubbish.

Bad Astrologer is the astrology site that tells you the truth — the awkward, uncomfortable, painfully recognisable truth about what each star sign is actually like in a relationship, and why your particular combination is almost certainly doomed.

How it works

We've profiled all twelve zodiac signs at their absolute worst — the manipulation tactics, the annoying habits, the red flags your mates tried to warn you about. Then we've mapped out every possible pairing to show you exactly where the friction, the fights, and the catastrophic misunderstandings will come from.

Each incompatibility report comes complete with a disaster rating, a survival probability, and just enough grudging positivity to keep you from deleting your partner's number.

Is this serious?

Absolutely not. This is astrology for people who don't take astrology too seriously — but who still read their horoscope and feel personally attacked. Think of it as a roast, not a reading.

If you want the warm, nurturing, "the universe has a plan for you" approach, might we suggest Aethon Astrology? They're lovely over there. Very positive. Very supportive. Very much not us.

Who made this?

Bad Astrologer was created by people who've dated enough star signs to know that astrology is nonsense — but also that every single Gemini is exactly like that.