About me

I'm a Gemini. I should probably tell you that upfront, because it explains quite a lot about this website — including the fact that I built it on a whim, nearly abandoned it twice, and may contradict myself on at least one page. I'm told this makes me "unreliable." I prefer "versatile."

I've been studying astrology for over a decade. I've read the charts. I've done the transits. I've sat across from people at dinner parties and correctly guessed their sign within three attempts, which is either evidence of genuine astrological insight or evidence that personality types are predictable enough that any moderately observant person could do the same thing after reading one book and paying attention. I've never quite worked out which.

Bad Astrologer exists because I got tired of lying. Not in my personal life — I'm a Gemini, lying comes naturally. No, I got tired of the kind of astrology that tells people what they want to hear. Of describing a Scorpio's controlling streak as "passionate intensity." Of calling a Sagittarius's inability to commit "a free spirit's need for adventure." Of looking at a chart that essentially says "this relationship is a bin fire" and typing out "there may be challenges, but with communication and effort, beautiful growth is possible."

So I stopped. And I started telling people the truth.

What you'll find here

I've profiled all twelve zodiac signs at their absolute worst — the manipulation tactics, the annoying habits, the red flags your mates tried to warn you about. I've written daily, weekly, monthly, and annual horoscopes that won't make you feel better about yourself. And I've mapped out every possible pairing to show you exactly where the friction, the fights, and the catastrophic misunderstandings will come from.

Each incompatibility report comes with a disaster rating, a survival probability, and just enough grudging positivity to stop you from deleting your partner's number. Probably.

And if general abuse isn't personal enough for you, I now do personalised readings based on your actual natal chart. Full birth data — date, time, place — so I can be disappointingly specific about your flaws. Daily, weekly, monthly, and annual forecasts tailored to your exact planetary placements. You're welcome.

Is this serious?

Define "serious." I take the astrology seriously — I've studied it for years and there's genuine insight woven into everything here. What I don't take seriously is the idea that I should be nice about it. This is astrology for people who read their horoscope and feel personally attacked. Think of it as a roast, not a reading.

If you want the warm, nurturing, "the universe has a plan for you" approach, there are plenty of sites that will tell you exactly what you want to hear. They're lovely. Very positive. Very supportive. Very much not me.

A note on accuracy

The horoscopes and readings on this site are based on real planetary positions, calculated from actual ephemeris data. When I tell you Mercury is squaring your natal Saturn this week, it genuinely is. The personalised readings in particular are proper astrological work — cross-referencing your birth chart against current transits — just delivered without the usual reassuring fog.

The sign profiles are where I've had my fun. I've leaned into stereotypes, been unfair to certain signs, and said things that would make a serious astrologer wince. If you recognise yourself in those pages — and you will — I'd apologise, but I'm not sorry. You were warned.