Aries — Monday 29 June 2026

Your browser history right now is either twelve tabs of restaurant menus or one very long Wikipedia page about protein absorption, and either way it's telling on you. **Things you'll tell yourself today that aren't true:** - This is a completely normal amount of condiment for one meal - I'm not hungry, I'm bored, so I'm not going to eat anything (you will eat everything) - Starting with the big plate means I'll eat less overall - I *needed* that second coffee; this isn't a pattern - If I eat standing up at the kitchen counter, it doesn't count as a meal and also somehow has fewer calories - The Mars-Jupiter sextile is in my favour today, so whatever I'm about to do is basically cosmically endorsed That last one is technically true, by the way. *Mars* has just moved into Gemini and is sitting in near-perfect sextile to *Jupiter* in Cancer. The sky is genuinely giving you a little burst of momentum and appetite. The problem is that Jupiter is in Cancer, the sign that expresses abundance through feeding people, and you're going to interpret "a burst of momentum" as permission to just keep going, on everything, including the biscuits. **Warning:** Do not attempt to reorganise the fridge at 11pm. You will throw away something you needed.